In Your Face

In Your Face
Thought provoking opinions on topical issues.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

The Bush Resume

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington , DC 20520


* Arrested in Kennebunkport , Maine (1976) for driving under the influence of alcohol. Plead guilty, paid fine; had driver's license suspended for 30 days. Texas driving record 'lost' and is not available.


* Joined the Texas Air National Guard. Went AWOL. Refused to take drug test or answer any questions about personal drug use. Able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam .


* Graduate of Yale University with a low C average. Cheerleader.


* Ran for U.S. Congress and lost.
* Began career in the oil business in Midland, Texas (1975.) Bought oil company but couldn't find any oil in Texas . Company went bankrupt shortly after selling personal stock.
* Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.
* With the help of my father and friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay) elected governor of Texas .


* Changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union . Houston replaces Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America .
* Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
* Set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.
* With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, become President of the United States after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes.


* First President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.
* Ordered invasion and occupation of two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per month. Am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked,
preemptive attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation.
* Spent inherited U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.
* Aided in shattering the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.
* Set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.
* Helped set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
* Oversaw the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market.
* First year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues.
* Proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My 'poorest millionaire, 'Condoleezz Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her though.
* Established the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S.
President. Am the all-time U.S. and world record -holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations. My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History at Enron.
* My GOP used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during 2000.
* Have successfully protected friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation.
* Created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States Government.
* Help break more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.
* The first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
* Withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
* Refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. 'prisoners of war'
detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
* Established the record for fewest press conferences of any President since the advent of television.
* Set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period.
* After taking off the entire month of August 2001, I presided over the
worst security failure in U.S. history.
* Have the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.
* Am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.


* All records of gubernatorial tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
* All records of SEC investigations into my alleged insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in and unavailable for public view.
* All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President attended regarding public energy policy are sealed and unavailable for public review.
* These sealed documents will not be available for 50 years.


  1. Good resume.

    I rather hope the key phrase in his next job is:

    "Would you like fries with that?"


  2. Speaking as one myself, I can tell you that this Bush fellow is moreover about on the high end of par with the rest of the underachieving, college "educated" American "baby boom." In short, both he and messrs Clinton and(now) Obama actually probably are better Presidents than these skunks on average deserve.... Awful Hell for everybody else, though.

    By their faces you shall know them, to paraphrase Abe Lincioln:

  3. Sorry, the second tag above should have been:

    (Some SOB has swapped Saniflush for the cocaine again!)